During the year I have frequently suppressed the following questions: Do I believe? Is there really a God? Is this just a way for our brains cope with circumstances and make sense of things?
I’m very passionate about apologetics, especially when it comes to atheists. Don’t let anybody ever fool you, and don’t fool yourself, by saying what atheists believe is stupid and how can they believe that we come from apes?, etc. They have a lot of good reasons for saying what they say and they can back it up with facts. There is a lot more to it than people usually know or understand. They also have some very tough accusations toward Christianity and if you’re not prepared it can catch you off guard. That is why it is so important to know your Bible and to build your knowledge about God not only relationally, but also factually. My point is this: Factually both Christianity and atheism can stand strong and throw some hard punches, and you need to be ready when the battle begins.
Then there is healing and miracles. I saw some amazing healings happen when we did ministry in Johannesburg with Brian and his team. I also saw and heard some amazing miracles throughout the year. I always expected these things to make me believe more and that my doubt would go away, but it always seemed like the doubt stayed there - even while I was watching something miraculous happen. On top of it people always say: “How can you say there is no God when you witness all these things and you look at nature and His creation?” I can tell you that it happens, because those things didn’t seem to do much for my doubts. As I said previously, atheists have some good arguments and stand points, and they always seem to have a good reason or explanation for most of the things we see happening, and that makes it even more difficult. Is it really God or is it just chance or our minds letting us believe what we want to, or need to, to cope with life? Am I believing because that is what my brain clings to for comfort or is there really a God?
In Australia God challenged me to ask these questions and to stop suppressing them. I eventually came to a point where I was not sure that I was a Christian anymore. At the end of our time in Australia, when we were in Sydney on the day of our flight out, two of the other team members (Frankie and Trieg) and I went out to explore and chat a bit. Frankie asked us what God is working on with is at the moment. Trieg answered first and while he was talking, I wondered if I should come clean about my doubt and the fact that I’m not sure if I’m still a Christian. I felt like a fraud and I was afraid I might get some tough questions and that I would be rejected. I decided to be open and the reaction I got just amazed me! I was still handled with love. No rejection or judgement - just understanding, support and love!! At that point my journey on finding an answer really started!
God reminded me of a verse: Hebrews 11:1 “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see”
“Faith is being sure of what we hope for”:
What do we hope for? We hope in God, we hope that He is who He says He is and that it’s His hand moving and doing miracles (not chance, not our minds messing with us or even some science thing). We hope when we pray for something and when He makes a promise, He will come through.
“Certain of what we do not see”-
We don’t see God physically. Of course can see him in the people around us and nature, but we can’t literally touch God, smell God or see God and when He talks to most of us it’s not this thundering loud voice, but more a soft voice and it’s easy to convince yourself it was just your thoughts. We also don’t immediately see God’s promises being fulfilled, or don’t even see them fulfilled at all sometimes, like when Jesus was promised in the Old Testament hundreds of years before He came, but He only came much later. God does come through on His promises. I’ve heard a lot of stories about people praying for healing and nothing happens, but then the person is totally healed like a day later. That is God testing to see if you still believe. You need to be certain that God will come through even though you don’t always see it. That is real trust.
In conclusion, the only way to truly believe is through faith. No amount of miracles, no amount of healings and no amount of times looking at creation is going to make you believe. It is only through faith.
At the end of our time in Brazil (parents week) and throughout our time in Chile, God really worked in me around my faith and especially about Hebrews 11. It is an amazing piece to study and read and to apply to your own life. I want to encourage you to go and read it right now, and to allow the Holy Spirit to speak into your human spirit about where you are in your journey of faith in Him.