"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."
Proverbs 3:5
I have probably heard/read this scripture hundreds of times in my life, but to be honest, having an adventurous heart and loving the unexpected, this promise never really excited me that much. However, after receiving the verse five times on one day from different sources, I realised that God must be trying to tell me something specific. I was sure that God wanted to reveal more from this promise than just walking on a boring straight path to a set destination.
As long as I can remember, I have wanted to be in God's will. I wanted Him to tell me where I needed to go, so that I could go there. I was willing to pick up my backpack and climb over mountains to get to the destination that He would show me. Why did I need a "straight path"?
At the end of my Community Service year as an occupational therapist in 2018, I was standing before a crossroad, or more like the foot of a mountain with many trails going in different exciting directions. I continuously asked God for answers. Should I wait for a job at a youth centre for juvenile offenders? Should I wait for a job in a government hospital? Should I look for a job at a private practice? All these options seemed exciting, but no doors were opening and I didn't get any answer from God apart from trusting in Him, to not be anxious about anything, that He knows the plans He has for me, that He would fulfil His promises to me. But there was no answer for which trail I should take, what path I should pursue.
Time was running out and I knew I had to make a decision. I started to hear a whisper from the Holy Spirit, saying that I should look at a different mountain. The mountain of the nations. The mountain of Global Challenge. "But God I cannot climb this mountain! I am not equipped. I do not have the finances. I cannot cope without regular exercise. I am gluten intolerant. You have lead me to become an occupational therapist."
God didn't answer all my questions, instead He opened the passenger door of His car and invited me to get in. I got in and drove with Him. When we got to the foot of the mountain I got out. As the journey of training started, the challenges also started. I didn't have control over my routine. I had very little alone time. There was conflict in my team. I have always been good at resolving conflict, but this time I just couldn't. I asked God for strength to overcome this obstacle. But I was still too weak. So He invited me to get into His car again. I had no other choice, so I got in. He drove me gloriously over the obstacle. While I was driving with Him, He started teaching me about His love. The love that expects nothing in return. "But God I cannot love like that!" "Yes, you cannot, but I can"
So here I knew I shouldn't even try to get out of the car. But again when I saw obstacles of sin and addiction I thought that it was expected of me to conquer them. I would get out of the car, just to fail over and over again. After yet another hard fall, I was broken. I had to surrender and get back into God's car. There He held me and whispered the truth that I have heard so many times, but that I probably just thought was too good to be true. That He has already overcome. That all I can do is to rest in Him.
I am still learning to keep that car door closed and stay in Him. However, as I have to trust Him with bigger and bigger obstacles, I am seeing myself doing less and less and becoming more of who He is making me through just spending time with Him. And I am enjoying the biggest adventure of my life. An adventure that I would never be able to be part of if I had to climb the mountains by myself.
I Still don't know where money for fuel is going to come from and I am not even sure where we are heading, but I know who is the Driver and owner of this car and I believe that He will also provide and take me where He wants me.