Macedonia was one of those countries that I had high expectations of. Mostly due to the fact that I heard so much about the place, the large amount of people that needed help in the camps and the Rama people that also needed help. After Africa left Macedonia, I read their blogs and that helped me to paint a picture of how it is there, and what I can expect. So after reading and hearing about the refugee camp, I was expecting a BIG challenge. Not that it would have demotivated me in some sort of manner but rather start a big change in my life. I’m not saying that it didn’t change me at all, it’s just that the change did not come as dramatic as I expected it to be.
What I experienced was that Macedonia was not the same for me as it was for Africa, when they were there I heard that there was about 1500 people in the camp give or take 50 more or maybe less, which is nothing compared to the 860 people when we were there, so off the bat our experience was twice as easy and to make it even more differentiating, there was about 70 people when we left, can you believe that, but helping 860 people was still a blessing to be a part of, and I did learn new things.
So what did I learn during my time in Macedonia? I must say of all the small and big things I have learned, one lesson on both the camp and round our host was the will to go on and the lack to give up. Something that I personally struggle with is a tendency of a habit I have repeated for most of my life, granted that I’m only 19 (so technically I wasn’t doing it for such a long time). I know people have said it to me through out my entire school “attendants” , I have heard it from my parents, friends, other family members and mostly my teachers, concerning academics, sports, hobbies or my basic day to day attitude. So yes I was well aware of my tendency to kick the bucket even before it even started filling up, and yes it killed most of my dreams and goals that I have made for my future. So to write down a list of things I could have achieved would take up a lot of time, no doubt that I’ve had my fair share of opportunities up to this day, definitely more than I deserve to have had, and Macedonia was a bitter reminder of that fact.
So how did this bitter pill find its way to me again? I have mentioned in some of my previous blogs of the times I have spent with refugees and what I have learned from their troubles, not that I could ever comprehend what they are going through, although I may have sympathy for them as an infinitesimally small token of empathy. They have been through a lot of suffering in the past couple of months, they’ve suffered loss on a major scale and have no place to go without receiving a battering on the why. Having no place to call home, losing loved ones and being denied by others, they still don’t give up. They try their best to love those that hate them, then they decide to walk kilometres on end just to find a place where they can be safe, and hopefully a better future for their children, just so that they don’t have to suffer or live like the rest, in a hellish turmoil. So they search, try to find, and loose hope over and over again.
How did Calvin change you may ask?
My change was somewhat spiritual as well as mental; I have learned that life can, and probably will be a lot worse than it is, and I should be grateful for the things and opportunities I have had, still have and will have. The most important thing is that if something is too difficult for me, it doesn’t mean I should be hesitant to pursue it, but I should see it as an opportunity to test my steel. Asking God what I need to do too achieve the end goal, and when a task is too big for me to handle, it is a perfect opportunity to sharpen my blade on the rock of God. No blade can be sharpened to perfection with the wrong stone, no matter how much you try.
I won’t say I have defeated my bad habits yet, not at this precise moment, but I won’t give up trying to stop giving up on the things of life… one evolution at a time.