This is one of the most intense, unpredictable, mind blowing, captivating, speechless processes I have been through in my life. Some days I just sit and stare because I don't even know where to begin processing or debriefing or evaluating the experience. Like a blank space just fills my head. I get up, take a shower, get on a truck with 14 other people, and go help clean a yard.
And then it happens.
That unpredictable thing.
The pastor tells you that it is a gift from God that the team came today because it's almost their two year birthday at the church and they don't have enough time to clean the yard. They say it's really special that God sent a team from another country to help them prepare for the celebration.
Blank space.
Filled.
God is amazing.
Like I can't even begin to describe this. Is just to big for my head. Being part of a global church of interconnected relationships and helping people throw a party in Cuba...by working in the garden. God will send you places and show you things that will blow your mind...if you let Him. Like Cuba. Cheap street food, orchestras playing in the parks over weekend, a 26km hike up to the Grand Piedra, people who live on R200 a month, mountains, coastlines, chess, dominoes, old cars, spectacular buildings, a nation stuck in time. Cuba has a classic feel to it. When you walk down the street it feels like you are on a movie set and someone is going to break out in song just around the next corner. It's really enchanting. The movies with the guy with the hat and cigar are true...but somewhat isolated when you walk the streets of the cities. You soon realize in the shadow of the tourist industry that there is actually more to Cuba. Being on a journey like this really opens your eyes. You can't just look at a city from the perspective of a tourist anymore because you're not one. You live with locals and experience life as they do. You are faced with the lifestyle locals are used to. Trying to get a bus, buying food, running out of water, not having toilet paper, not enough food, or not having internet. But the church is alive. People love and help each other here. Because everyone is in the same boat. There is no grounds for judgement. Family here is who you know, not necessarily people who you are related to. Cuban people are warm and welcoming and always ready to share their history. It is really a place to see and experience...but as a local. Not as a tourist in a a hotel, or else you will miss the essence of this nation.
And then...underneath the surface of this beautiful island there is change happening within all of us. I can see how the team is growing into a family and how God is working individually with each team member, as He is in my own heart. Cuba was a desert for me in the sense that I was tested on my beliefs, loyalty, religion, leadership, and other areas I am yet to discover. It was magnificent to say the least. My heart feels alive again. It feels like a burden has been lifted of my shoulders. God is into the restoration business. I have rediscovered a piece of my heart, if not the whole thing, that was lost in my confusion of what a relationship with Jesus looks and feels like. We use words and concepts and images to describe an indescribable Being and these tools fail us because they confine instead of define. Jesus taught me that it's not about my usefulness to Him in the kingdom. It's actually about living what's in my heart. The glory of God is a man fully alive ( John Eldridge, Waking the dead). When we start living in our fullness of who God made us to be His glory shines through us, we just have to live. And he taught me that there is more to me than just the forgiveness of my sin. I am a being created to design, dream, imagine, love, laugh, eat, play, wonder, wander, discover, feel, cry, rest, experience, listen to my heart and stand in awe. We have been created as partners in this big story called life. It has been a long time since I last just stood still and experienced what's going on around me. People and dreams and questions and relationships and Jesus and old buildings...
...and it's glorious.