Im busy reading this book on vulnerability and shame. Apparently shame does not like it when we talk about it and this is where vulnerability comes in. Its to open up a part of yourself that may be assaulted or hurt by others. So its about the courage to open up. To step into the arena and fight the fight with others who are courages enough. And people who are not in the arena don't have a say or should not influence the way you think about yourself. Your worthiness is in your courage to step out in faith and open up to people so they can see into your core.
I am challenged by this...
Being a leader has always been about not showing weakness, always having the answers, always knowing what comes next, and always being prepared for every situation. Basically a superhuman...and this is not me. And its liberating to realize this. What I've come to see is that being a leader is being able to make intuitive decisions under pressure and guiding people's ideas towards a solution when needed. Its a process of recognition. A leader needs to recognize ideas and concepts that comes from the team and connect all this info to lead the team towards a greater good. This can be in any situation. Ministry. Danger. Social. Interpersonal. Team life. Conflict. Innovation. New frontiers. Uncertainty. Design. Hosting. Youth meetings. Business. Expansion...Its sort of like a waiting game. Constantly scanning the environment for opportunities to capture and help unfold. Its like a fisherman waiting with a net to scoop the next big catch.
Bolivia has been a place of redemption on so many frontiers. So much happened in this country of mountains and rain. We were visited by a few parents who traveled with is from Bogotá to San Gill to Cartagena. After this we embarked on a Backpacker Challenge where we received minimal money and had to go explore our surroundings for a week and meet up in Santa Marta for our next ministry point. Me and Curtis went to Tayrona National Park which is a gem on the coast of Colombia. We met people from South Africa, Australia, Germany, Ireland, Canada, and the USA. Must say, meeting the guys from SA was welcoming. We shared how much we miss friends and family, and I really just enjoyed talking to someone from home. There are numerous campsites scattered through the park and you need to hike to them as their are no roads. We slept in hammocks next to the beach and in tents in the forest. It was a time of reflection on what God has done up until now on the journey. In Santa Marta we were with John and his family and then we went to New Tribe Missions in Fusagasuga.
So here I sit writing this after yet another leg of our journey is coming to an end. I spoke to my mother while here in Colombia and being homesick. I sometimes wonder how Paul did it. Or even Moses. Forty years is a long time to lead people in a desert. I truly have respect for them. It is with gratitude that i write this because I have deeper insights into how much patience and perseverance they had. It is only when your focus is on the final outcome that you find strength to carry on in any situation. It's the same with being vulnerable. In the beginning its awkward and uncertain if you will be rejected or accepted. You can never predict people's response. And that is why the response should not matter. The worthiness, your worthiness, is in the courage to take the first step in opening up...not in people's response. And this is faith. To know that in the end everyone will be better of when we take the first step towards vulnerability. This is the hope in the final outcome...that we are worthy to be loved and appreciated with all our flaws, shortcomings, nuances, passions, values, talents, likes, dislikes, and facial twitches. We are his people and He is our God. He loves us unconditionally and we must love ourselves and others with the same tenacity. This is the hope in the final outcome.