I'm lying on the floor, staring at the white ceiling of a plastic container, the commotion stopped, the little girl that brought me to her mother left, the laughs of miscommunication turned to silence and all I hear is the footsteps of people on grew mine rocks. Jesus what am I really doing here? I was there, next to a far pregnant mother of four staring at her as she just fell asleep from exhaustion . Only in this silence I experience a little bit of the reality being a refugee, losing your husband, not always due to the war, some men used the opportunity and got a new wife as they stayed behind. Facebook is worldwide. This plastic box was filled with hurt..with hopelessness and humidity. Everyday there is a new pile of blankets next to the bin and a empty space as another family left the camp in the dark, running after hope. This mother, my dearest friend, can only observe as she can't go anywhere, no money and forcing herself not to deliver this unborn baby in a refugee camp located in an unfamiliar place. Matthew 20:16 "So those who are last now will be first then.." I experienced the deeper anguish lying there. A whole different level of need. Can the food really fill the hunger of hopelessness?
The grew diamond form fence around the camp stand stable, defeating it's purpose as hundreds of children's clothes can be counted on the fence to dry. I question these wires, and then I wonder on what side of this fence we really are. We helped out in the camp at a place called 'Cafe Mercy' serving tea and coffee. But it was all about showing love and acceptance. Tea and Coffee can turn cold. The surroundings of the camp is a complete artwork of nature, a glorification of God, an eternal hope. Why why why why why can't everyone see? Smell maybe? Hear? God wouldn't have gave us so many senses if He only wants us to hear him.
These mountains in Macedonia is entertainment for my eyes. It's beautiful. Matthew 17:20 "I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard see, you could say to this mountain, Move from here to there, and it would move. Nothing would be impossible." FAITH---- Slap me out of my little small minded box, I run back there every time! We can move mountains!!!!!! We are here now to move them. Wait a minute, Macedonia is apparently the country with the most mountain tops in the world, playground?
We plant seed everywhere we go. We don't always see the results, we don't have to. I use to struggle with that, being greedy I guess. No patience. That's why everything can fail if we don't wait for His voice. Doing things when we want to. The human mind is so addicted to seeing a progress bar. We want to see things happening. Leave it to God. Being impatience is just another result of selfish way. Self Love. Mmmmmmm today I am going to die to myself.........Mark 8:34 "If any of you wants to be my follower you must turn from your selfish ways(die to yourself), take up your cross, and follow me." Oops! It's 9 already and I haven't died to myself yet. It's not me, it's not about me. It's all Jesus. So I needed to be reminded of these 3 things everyday. I want to practise them. I find myself failing 3 times even before breakfast.
I ask Jesus for more of Him and less of me. I want him to be so powerful inside of me that it's okay for me to have a conversation with 'myself'. Quick fact- When I asked Jesus for more of Him and less of self, I end up staring at my team mates while they are asleep, being so filled with love towards them that I want to cry.
Otherwise everything is good. Yes there is struggles, I even wondered the one day if they shouldn't start a sub-Global team to support the current Global team. Haha
In this all I started to debate 'being grateful' can I really be grateful for stable conditions, an organized life pattern and good circumstances? Or should I rather be grateful for the difficult times, the trails and tribulations and longing for my family and my counterpart as its in these situation were I grow and learn and find my identity in Christ. It's all about the attitude we have when faced with suffering.
Until next time.
So Much Love.
Link for my Macedonia Video- it's speaks for itself
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7GPB8gELVmc
Or Type 'Boundless Border' on YouTube.