I don’t know how deep the water is. I don’t know what’s underneath me. Through the murky blue I can see eery shapes in dark brown and black, but nothing more. I am trying to swim as fast as I can while still putting in the effort to appear graceful and in control.
The truth is, I am not at all in control and I am honestly really really scared. I don’t understand why I’m feeling like this.
Usually, I’m like a fish in the water. I have always loved the ocean. Its actually the one place where I enjoy spending time with God the most. If you sit me down in the sand with an ice cream, all my troubles fade away. A swim at sunset is the best way to end a day. Then why am I so scared? I’ve been looking forward to my first real snorkel ever since I found out that I could do it here.
I can’t stop swimming now. I told everyone that I would swim out to the boat. If I turned back, would they notice? Truth is, I’ve never gone this deep. I was just so excited, no big deal. Only, I usually just swim up to where the waves don’t crash down on me, but no further.
But here I am, in my body, heart and mind. God is inviting me into the deep, into the unknown and into the “scary”. All I have to do is say yes. Yes to the adventure, yes to the new. Through it all He will never leave me.
So then I swam out to the boat as fast as I could. I even swam to where the reef drops off into the dark. I snorkelled again after that day, this time on another Island, and I saw everything. Neon blue fish, rainbow coloured fish, nemo fish, black fish, seastars and even some ugly fish. Bless them.
Best of all, I swam close by a sea turtle. How majestic??
Later that week I also jumped of a cliff and got the “pakslae” of my life because I hit the water at a very bad angle....But it was worth it. It is always worth doing the scary things, but only when you’re doing it hand in hand with God.
What can I say about the Philippines?
I loved snorkelling, I loved falling asleep on a boat, I loved mango shakes, I loved the people, I loved the jeepney rides, I loved being more sunkissed than I usually am, I loved spending time with my teammates and their parents, I loved halo halo (google it), I loved aircon where I could find aircon, I loved kids ministry for the first time, I loved praying with my team and for my team, I loved resting in God’s love, I love that God loves me even when I don’t even do anything, I loved feeling at home in a country so different from mine, I loved laughing so much that I can’t breathe, I loved a cream cheese filled donut that I had, I loved the chocolate milk date I had with my friend outside the 7eleven, I really just loved the Philippines and all the revelations that came with it.