Wait! What? This is not about me?
So I am selfish. Done. That's it. What else is left to say? Listen to this sentence - it tells you values that Global Challenge decided on.
- We share the Good news to a world in need.
Guess what I concentrated on. Yup, good guess! The 'we'-part.
Luckily I can promise you this: God will reveal unto you if in anything you are otherwise (than what He wants) minded (Phil 3:15). Because He is faithful to His word, He came to show me how absolutely selfish I am. I started realizing how many times I focus on myself and only myself. This is the world though - we all live to serve ourselves. Now I will take it even further: Love can not exist where selfishness roams. God is Love (1 John 4:8). He was never selfish, He gave us His Son, who was also never selfish, He gave His life and substituted His place on the throne for an earthly body (Phil 2:5-8).
Okay, point made: If Jesus could humble Himself, than I have no excuse not to do it also. Now I have the great priviledge to work on being nothing, which I want because I want God to use me, and if I want Him to use me than I have to become nothing, because He must get all the glory and I want Him to get it, because it is rightfully His. I don't want anybody looking at me and saying, Wow Jay is Great. NO! God is gracious!
I can't even begin to tell you how God is working in our hearts at training. We've been in Jeffreys Bay for 6 weeks (one more to go) and everyone had so much growth, because God is gracious. I came here as an insecure student who thought at least she has got the whole Christian thing down. OH MY WORD! The arrogance! I don't actually know a thing. I know nothing. God had to (and still has to) come and break everything down.
So where am I at now you ask? Let me tell you one of the craziest encounters that I had with God this week. BUt first background. We are busy with Praise and Worship (Singing: glory to God, He is worthy of praise, beautiful God, we adore Him) and I struggle to hear from God. God, being present, decides to answer my prayers and gives me an image:
There is a throne, Huge throne. Jesus sits on the throne. You can't see Him- it is to bright and light rays just shine everywhere. It is like trying to look at the sun - your eyes just can't focus on it. There are seven angels standing in a halfmoon behind Him. They are all quite big, but the Jesus-light-area is even bigger. All of them praise God, singing their own words and just giving God the Honour and Glory. I, being super small, sit at His feet and try to look up, but I am just not worthy enough to look up at the King. I praise Him as well. Then I lift my face to Him, because I know He sees me as worthy, through the Son. Then Jesus leaves His throne and comes down the stairs and embraces me! And I am freaking out in my head because NO! This is the King of Kings! The Lord! The worthy Lamb! He deserves to sit on the throne. O No! Why did He leave His throne? Go back! I am not worthy enough for this. He cannot come down to my level. And then comes the peaceful thought. "You are worthy. I cleansed you. I made you worthy. I made you good enough. I washed you." And I enjoy the arms of Jesus holding me to the bosom of His chest. I allow Him to love me and hold me. I don't have to push against Him, nope, I can lean into Him. Then He told me this as well, and I already said it at the top: I already left my throne for you, when I came down to earth to pay for your sins, sothat I could get my sheep back.
(Side note: I must tell you next time about sheep)
So what do I say about making it not about me at all, and all about God? Challenge Accepted!