I've only been in Egypt a few days and it's been enough to make me ask various questions and draw me deep into God's word. And I've heard so many say “I don't understand” - in conversations, expressions of their minds and in prayer.
On our arrival in Cairo we had the privilege of seeing the city from the air at night. Thousands of lights of all sorts. Then we noticed all the green ones standing out... hundreds of them. As we drew closer to the ground we recognized the towers from which these green lights came...hundreds of mosques. Soon we were greeted with festivities and activities announcing the last days of Ramadan and the now familiar sound of prayers being chanted over speakers frequently every day. Once again I came to that point of &
ldquo;Lord, I don't understand”.
Visiting the small town of Qussia, I stood on the roof of the Bishop's house and could count more than 20 mosques surrounding us. Every morning at 4h00 am we received our first wake up call for the day from them. While in Qussia, it was my first introduction to the Coptic Orthodox Church. A time of asking even more questions... to our host, to priests, to monks, to team members and most importantly to God (usually begin with “Lord, I don't understand”...)
During all these “I don't understand” questions, I was reminded of a time in Bosnia i Herzegovina. We were standing at the ruins of the first church in Breza and the conversation turned toward history and the war. In reply to a comment that getting more information about that time might help us to understand better, the words silenced all of us for a moment... “you'll never understand”. I think it
was because of the truth of this statement that we were silenced. We weren't able to fully understand what happened and what people had to go through during those days, or even the impact it has on their lives today. In the same way, I'll never fully understand the difficulties that the Church face here in Egypt.
While sharing to the youth, they asked us what we felt when sharing the gospel with others this year. The words joy, love, excitement, etc. came to mind. Then they asked if we ever felt fear... Once again I realized I don't have a clue. I don't understand and I'll never understand, yet I know the God who does understand. The One who knows the heart of every man. The One who's been there since the beginning of time and who will always be there. The important thing about this time of wondering and questioning is not the questions, not the answers. It's the fact that it turns me to God.
Blessings
Marisa