Bump after bump, turn after turn, hill after hill... "Is this road ever going to end?" As we traveled from the doctor back to the compound, through the land of the Maasai people, these were my thoughts. We have had quite an interesting, intense, and different time in Maasai land and in Kenya, these past weeks. Then again I am not sure what place hasn't been interesting, intense, and different.
As we started in Nairobi, we first went from visiting a family in one of the worst slums in the world, then after a few days, we had an abundance of blessings poured out over us by our Father. God blessed us, as we got to visit a South African family and actually ate meat for the first time, in I'm not sure how long. Then they blessed us with a flight to Zanzibar, which would've taken us three days, since we were to over land. From a slum to this world of abundance is quite something... there are no words. But anyway, this could be a blog on it's own (just not this one :)).
As we finished that week we then traveled 8 hours to a compound in Maasai land, 4 hours of which was off roading in a vehicle that is really not meant to do off roading at all(so we stopped many times checking weird abnormal car noises). But we made it, so now we have been here...
Ears throbbing, nose running, room spinning, head hurting, body aching, stomach turning...
"In all things God works for the good of those who love Him..."
I have struggled for a very long time with having a striving relationship with Jesus. I go in a circle of striving, realizing I am striving, then going back to intimacy, guilt then comes, and then back to striving again. I strive because I really do want to love Jesus but I forget when I am striving that He just wants to be with me. He loves hanging out with me, showing me His heart, taking me place, and drawing me deeper into Himself. I have been very sick the entire time we've been here, but because i was sick Jesus showed me, once again, that I was striving and so lost in loving Him that I forget to be with Him. He showed me that He chases after me and has missed me. Jesus loves me! He loves to be with me and for me just to sit in His presence. Out of me coming back to this place of love and just being in Him, came words for people and came encouragement for the missionaries we are supporting here. Out of this came peace and an overflow of joy. Out of this came the release of burdens and new revelations. I am nothing and I know that. I can't do anything and that's okay because God is everything. He's IT! He looks at me longing to be with me and make me into the daughter He sees by breathing His life into my dead bones. I have to be with Him... I want to be with Him. I can't do anything ever, unless I am with Him. It's an every moment love relationship. There is only rest, peace, joy, and fullness when you're in a love relationship, no matter any circumstance.
During our time here we have mostly remained in the compound, not going out to locals as usual, but that's what we were supposed to do. We got to support and encourage the missionaries here, standing with them in hard and challenging times. We worshiped, prayed, did spiritual warfare, played, talked, gave words of encouragement, and did whatever we could to support and surround them. We saw first hand the many challenges and difficulties missionaries can face.
God yet again blessed our time...But to do anything or know the words to say to encourage the very people that need encouragement, you have to be with Jesus. He is the ONLY one that knows what someone needs. So How can we strive in ministry and see any fruit? We can't there will be not fruit that lasts... we have to BE.
So please don't do as I have done...
I bless you to not feel guilty when you aren't "doing" something for Jesus, or praying for those you love, or reading your bible. I bless you to stop trying to love Jesus and to stop and just BE with Him. I bless you to be drawn deeper and deeper into His love for you.
Prayer requests: We are leaving Maasai land now and heading back to Nairobi, where I will try to see a specialist for my ears that are still possibly infected and are in a lot of pain. We will then fly to Zanzibar on September 5 and being ministry there with more missionaries. Please pray for encouragement, strength, and perseverance for my team.
Be blessed Beloved! God is good! :)