6 weeks ago, if people asked me, why are you doing Global Challenge. My answer would have typically been something in the line of: "I am determined to find God and revelation" or "I want to take my relationship with God deeper and gain wisdom and favor" or even "I want to change the world". Those are typically seen as a pretty honorable answers to the question.
Well at least that is what I thought, but never have I been so wrong...
After hearing stories, surviving a couple of days in the bush, building a road, trekking the Transkei, Luke 10ing back to J-bay and sitting through some of the most powerful teachings. My mind was set, this year is going to be a huge adventure and I am going to gain so much knowledge, maybe even wisdom, some experience, and unforgettable memories. I am coming back to South Africa at the end of this year enriched in some way or the other. And The best of all, I am going to devout almost a whole year to Christ (That should score me some browny points).
Right?
Is this to good to be true?
Is this good at all?
Am I doing this with the right motives?
Is my heart in the right place?
Well you might be wondering why I am asking these questions... (At Least I can answer that one for you hahaha) You see God asked me one question and that led me to asking myself those questions.
God asked me...
"Son... I want you to consider something. I am not saying this is going to happen, I just want you toe think about this. Would you willingly go through this year if I told you, you will not gain a single thing. You will not gain wisdom, knowledge, understanding or favor from Me. Instead of unforgettable memories, you will go through dark times and there will be times you wish you were somewhere else. In fact I am not going to give you anything, I might just take from you. But before you answer just know that it will bring Joy to me, if you are willing to go through with this and just be with Me. So... Would you be willing?"
Naturally I wanted to say, "Yes, Lord I am willing!" Because come on... Can I say no to the God of all creation?
But before I gave my answer. I tried to give it some thought. Will I really be fine with it? Can I be so unselfish? Can I love God in such a way? Can I be willing, without grumbling? Can I give to God without expecting anything in return?
Well to be honest with you. I don't know...
All I know is... This is how God has loved and treated me for the past 24 years of my life. He never once complained about it or expected anything in return. And even now I am sure I will walk away from this year a changed man. But not at all in the way I expected... Not because I did anything, but because God is good. God is good even when my heart is selfish, proud and hard.
And maybe the purpose of this year is just to learn and experience one simple lesson. That God is good and it is honorable just to be with Him, just being and enjoying his oh so gentle but awe inspiring presence.
This reminds me of a story of the pianist.
"I am filled with a profound sense of reverence and respect for a man. Who is, at the moment, reminding me of a very important lesson: That we each of us, have our our personal legend to fulfill, and that is all. It doesn't matter if other people support us or criticize us, or ignore us or put up with us - we are doing it because it is our destiny on this earth and the fountain of all joy - whenever we feel that no one is paying any attention to what we are doing, let is think of the pianist, He was talking to God through is work, and nothing else mattered."