As it has been shown, I am clearly not one for rating my experience of each country along the way. Being part of the communication team for hidden world, I have found that my own feelings are already reflected in the team blogs and newsletters, that when it comes to writing my own, I have nothing left to say. But I have finally figured out what to write on my own blog- only took 5 months.
Reflecting back on the last 6 months of my life, I can't believe how much has changed- besides moving to a different country every three weeks.
I read this line in The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis a couple months ago, that has stuck with me all this time:
"Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him [God] seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys" (40).
As some of you may know, this book is written in the perspective of a demon named Screwtape. I found what he said here to be interesting because he mentions that the Devil's attempt at winning over a servant is hopeless when a person is going through the hardest of times, can't really see God in the situation but still chooses to be obedient.
Over the course of Cuba I realized the amount of times in my Christian life, but especially in the last 6 months I have gone through a rough time, and allowed the devil to win by not being obedient. Allowing him to steal something from me, steal my attention.
How is this possible? How can I call myself a follower of Jesus, and not actually follow him? I really have wasted so much time. So many opportunities God asked something of me and I turned my back because it didn't suit me or it wasn't fun anymore. Is being a follower really a choice you make once? Is it the one day you ask Jesus into your life and the rest is history?
I think not. I have to choose Jesus everyday. Choose life everyday. Choose obedience everyday- even when it may not be convenient for me. Just like God chooses to love me everyday, despite my faults, despite my disobedience. Some days I fall short.... Most days I fall short. But my desire for Him, to glorify Him is there, and I think that's really what he cares about. Why he is pleased with me anyways, pursues me anyways. Even when I fall short, God still loves me. and there is nothing I can do about it.
"He [God] wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles" (40). ~C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters