During our visit to the Holy land we had the opportunity to serve the people of the land on both sides of the wall. If you have never been to Israel you might not know what I am talking about, but there is a thick concrete wall seperating Israel from Palestine. I am not going to pretend that I understand why it is there neither will I condone nor condemn its existance, but I would like to share the spiritual truth God revealed to me about a different type of wall. The wall around my heart...
During the year we all experienced trying times and challenges and being a team consisting of 13 imperfect human beings we had the tendency to hurt one another. Trying to keep my head above water and staying strong I sometimes made the horrible mistake of not allowing myself to feel, pretending that the arrow that my teammate just shot at me did not hurt. This was not only a lie in my own life, but it made me so cautious that I witheld a lot of who I am from my teammates, not allowing them to see me for the prson I really am. I justified myself by believing that I have to be strong on their behalf, that they won't be able to continue the good fight if their leader broke down and wept, but I realise now that it is all a lie. I hardened my heart by building thick concrete walls around it and I only realised it when the journey came to an end. I know that God protected me from many arrows from enemy camps and maybe just as many from my team, but it was never His heart that I would lose the heart of compassion that He gave me in the first place.
I choose to break down this wall brick by brick by choosing to forgive every nasty word spoken to me this year. I choose to forget about the times where my heart and my intentions were misunderstood. I choose to release myself from the disappointment I felt in myself when I could not serve my team like they wanted or expected me to serve them. I choose to receive love and affection from people who have become my family this year! I choose VICTORY!