It is so easy for me always to share all the amazing things God is doing through us, what we have been learning and how we have been growing, altough these things are very true. Sharing all our struggles, weaknesses and faults, is a very different story. Being real and honest can be excruciatingly vulnerble and uncomfortable, but what is clear for me after almost seven months of traveling is that it is in our uncomfort where the Lord does most of His work. In my walk with Jesus over time I noticed that it feels like sometimes I go through seasons, there are seasons where I can hear God's voice so clearly, I can almost see and hear Him in everything. But then there comes a time where I get tired of fighting, I allow the lies of the enemy to seap in slowly and very soon I feel overwhelmed and alone. I can only speak for myself, but maybe someone can relate. Before going on journey I was filled with many expectations on what this year was going to be. A revelation soon came to me that these were not expectations but rather preferances I laid before the Lord and if He did not meet them, I would get anxious, frustrated and angry. How easy and arrogant is it for us to place conditions on the things the Lord wants us to do. I am not saying that God did not meet my expectations this year, He exceded them in ways I could not even have thought of. But there were hard times also, battles I had to fight, batles I thought I have won years ago. Maybe it doesn't matter what fight you are in, when it is or where it is, maybe what matters is knowing who is with you, no matter what. I remember in high school I whould sometimes study very hard for a test, knowing almost everything by heart, but as soon as the test comes, I seem to forget everyting I have learnt, maybe that is what happened to the disciples in the storm after the sermon on the mount, they forgot everyting in the storm. How othen do we forget to pray and to praise God in the storm or the off season?
After our time in Taiwan it was time for us to embark to our next destination, Thailand, where we served at a childrens home and a church. In this time I believe God was teaching so many things as I mentioned before. Praying and worshiping God, started to drag me out of the hole I was slowly falling into. Soon I started to think alot more clearer, decerning what was lies and what was the truth. I soon realised to always apply what you have learnt, no matter how you feel, surrender your fights to the Lord and give Him glory, victory after victory. The Lord soon helped me to be more focused in ministry, I was experiencing such a joy while serving in Thailand. The pastor gave us so many oppertunties to share testimonies and I even had the oppertunity and privilege, to preach on a Sunday.
I would also like to share a brief tetimony of our time in Thailand. The one day we were busy cleaning and sorting out a storeroom at the church. At the end of the day we were all very tired but the pastor explained that there was a lady that was living next to the chuch. He explained that the family came to him telling him that she might be demon possessed and that we should maybe go pray for her. Arriving at her house we started to speak to her and started listening to her story. Our group started thinking that she was never really demon possessed but maybe she was suffering from depression. Feeling prompted I soon shared my testimony with her of me also struggling with depression, and what Jesus has done in my life. I explained to her that Jesus loves her so much and desires a relationship with her, explaining to her that maybe God could have send me to Thailand just for her. She told us that she believed that it was her destiny to meet us. We asked her if she would also want to believe in Jesus, and she replied yes. Soon afterwards we started to pray for her and our group was able to lead her in a short prayer where she gave her life to Jesus. It was such an amazing moment and all glory to God for such an devine appointment. God just again reminded me of how powerfull a testimony can be and how easy it is just to share what Jesus means to you and what He has done in your life. It reminded me of how special every person is to God.