This is something I started writing quite a while ago but I never finished it because I felt that I needed to perfect it in some way. But I realized the truth is that our daily (and what we sometimes feel as insignificant) struggles are very real. Sometimes the healing process is a continuous journey.
Everything is not always as perfect as an instagram post. Too many people compare their happiness these days based on the posed happiness they see on social media.
So in all realness and vulnerability..
I've been struggling and journeying a lot on beauty the past few months.
For some reason I just never felt beautiful in this society. I didn't ever want to be a stereotype magazine model but deep down I did want to feel lovely. To feel special. To feel worthy being admired.
I have always been ashamed of my skin and many many times the acne on my face made me feel very vulnerable when interacting with people. So much so that I just wanted to hide behind closed doors and layers of BB cream.
One day I was staring into a hazy mirror at every acne scar and new pimple that crept back onto my skin since I started traveling this year. Although I could think of possible causes for the acne to came back... It wasn't necessary for it to come back!! In that moment as with many other moments throughout my life, I thought that it would never be possible for me to ever feel beautiful. I felt disappointed in the the teared up eyes staring back at me in the mirror.
Being a girl on a very simplistic, low budget journey is tough after a few months! Sweat odors don't come out of the same few shirts you've been wearing day after day. The one or two skirts that made you feel pretty in the beginning is no longer more special than the pants you wore when digging mud. You give up wearing makeup since you sweat it all off in the first two hours of the morning (especially in thr humidity of Asia). Jewelry gets lost, your nice pair of shoes break and options are limited.
Now don't get me wrong. There is something so very wonderous about living such a down-to-earth, simplistic lifestyle. Just as any adventures of life also has challenges this as well was a very great opportunity for growth.
These things challenged me in a way that I was really discouraged to love myself.But our beautiful Jesus who makes BEAUTY OUT OF ASHES used this to teach me something very valuable.
I knew Jesus loved me. I knew He said I'm beautiful. But I didn't love me. Nor did I at the least thought of Valé Taljaard as beautiful. As worthy to be loved.
So Jesus started teaching me to love myself. To love the being He had made me. To see my beauty when all the things that I THINK makes me beautiful fades away and all that's left is the rawness of who I really, truely am.
Because how oh how can I really ever comprehend His passionate, intimate love for me if I don't even think I'm worthy of that love. How oh how can I love others, Him, fully and deeply if I can't even love myself. If I can't even see the masterpiece He has made and called to BE, staring back at me in the mirror.
I was challenged in where I seek my comfort, worth and validation. Is it in the approval of people? Is it in the indulgence of food and lack of self-control with sugar? Is it in the constant checking of my cellphone screen and social media updates? Is it in the love of the people I cherish most?
I kept asking God..
Why do I never feel enough? Or too much? Or not worthy? worthy to be pursued? worthy to be loved? to be treasured and cherished?
This is the answer I received..
Why do you keep seeking love from other things to fill the void only I, your God, can fill? Why isn't my love enough for you?
And I realized. His love is enough.
Even when every single thing that I ever believed made me beautiful, every mask, all the love I will ever receive, every comfort fades away - His love is enough.
And even when I never receive affirmation, encouragement and kind words from people again. Even when I give and love (not by myself but the Holy Spirit within me) and never receive love in return again. And even when I'm never affirmed on my beauty ever again or even when my beauty is discouraged and all that is left is the one and only true God's love.. That is enough.
I am worthy of this beauty He has bestowed upon me.
I am worthy of His unconditional love.
And this is enough.
#enough #worthy #believeyouarebeautiful #embraceyourbeauty #Hetreasuresyou #youareincomparable #onlyYOUcanbeYOU