I used to fear that lies I told would rise to the surface and make me fall. I used to fear that I would never be enough, not for anybody not for myself. I used to fear that what I did in the dark would come to the light.
That's who I used to be, that's what I used to do. But then I met Jesus, I stood face to face with the biggest truth of ever have to face. To be honest, I couldn't face it. I fell I fell face first to the ground. How do you stand how do you face? Broken life, black heart, the glory of God. How could I be level with such a majesty. My sin being pushed to the floor. Attached, my flesh sank down with it.
How can I stand with the glory of God!? How can I speak, how can I talk when I don't even have words. No words to describe. Nothing comes to mind. Just a five letter word. My life in his hands.
J-E-S-U-S.
Never been true to myself. How would I know? The biggest truth I've ever known, face to face with my flesh on the floor. Broken eyes stare into loving pools of compassion. What is this? I don't deserve. My flesh screams and pulls away. Compassionate eyes filled with tears.
Four words I receive. "I know the pain"
Bewildered eyes stare at the tears. Flesh dripping with sin. Spirit within. Not knowing what to do the spirit retreats. "I'm not here to hurt you, I've come to heal."
Flesh assures he's here for harm, here to judge, justice in arm. Here to sight as you've known. Here to condemn for all you've done. Never known your pain, never known your sorrow. Stood in the door as you cried for tomorrow.
Spirit broken it clings to the flesh. Ripping and screaming as his eyes now stare. "What has flesh done to you? You're mine I swear."
Scarred hands now reach within. Grabbing hold of the spirit clinging to sin. Gentle as a feather it touches my soul. Breaking the bond between spirit and sin. Peaceful spirit lays close to His heart.
"Your name is written in my book, my laws in your heart." Softly weeping spirit pleads: never again to sin will I flee. Hard times they came but his grip remained firm. Clinging to spirit gentle as ever, always always being the feather.
You can have my all if you swear you won't drop me. "Never have I, never I will" why did you let that happen spirit screams out! Crying and weeping as turmoil comes.
Purely blood runs from spirits chest. A hole where love was, punctured by test. Slowly spirit moves away, step by step towards decay.
Again it's met by compassionate eyes. Four words followed no surprise; "I know the pain"
Spirit now lays in the makers arms. Fear now a memory. Sorrow is gone.
God showed me this amazing picture as I was sitting on a rooftop in Bangkok, reflecting on Indonesia, after having to say goodbye to my mom for 8 days! I was furious, screaming at God for not just giving me a chance to talk to my mom for the last time before giving him 8 days alone without distractions with him. I literally told him to just let me talk to her then he can bother me again.
After I had finished speaking to her over a crackling WhatsApp call, I realized why I was so upset to not talk to my mom. Even though I know that God is in control of me, my life and everything. Even my mom. I was scared. I was scared that my mom would die if I don't talk to her for 8 days. I sat on the rooftop crying for 10mins and then God began His sweet work of explaining my journey to me, as I've just shared. Although my dad had passed away. God didn't turn His back on me. He held me tighter. He understands. His Son was crucified for me. For my sin to be washed away.
He is holding me. I don't have to fear.
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