So the yellow team (excluding Margot) had a ball in Town #1. They took a 30 min bus drive into the desert where they went for camel rides and foefie slides over the Yellow river. They made good friends with a few locals and went roller skating
(yes, roller skating, not roller blading) in the evenings (all the local Chinese teenagers goes roller skating at night...there's music playing and disco lights...for those of you from Pretoria, it's got the same vibe as the Sterland ice skating rink back in the day, except that here in China the police officers oversee the skating rink to ensure order is kept...unlike Sterland which was super dodgy!!!)
As for me, I spend 5 solid days in bed. The furthest I wandered from my bed was to go to the toilet, which by the way was a big improvement from the toilet in "The little town next to the Yellow River". Being sick in a foreign country is never ideal. The one bonus was that I didn't have to phone my manager at work or get a sick note from the doctor to prove that I really am sick. If you lie in bed while your friends explore a foreign town in foreign country, you really are sick!
I prayed...the team prayed...I begged God to heal me...but I stayed sick. I was very discouraged the first two days as I could feel I was only getting worse. I couldn't understand why God would not just instantly heal me. I kept myself busy with writing, but mostly trying to master Rubik's cube (I got a bit obsessed with that cube...even dreamt about it!!!). The third day in bed, much to the relief of my fellow team members, I put the cube away. I realized that it was time to seek God's face and hear His voice. I spent time reading the Bible, praying and reading "The Heavenly Man"(a book about a Chinese Christian, Brother Yun, and the persecution he underwent for the sake of spreading the gospel in China).
I quote the following from The Heavenly Man: "The Lord God jealously desires us for himself. He is the lover of our souls. If we ever put anything before our
relationship with Jesus, even our work for Jesus, then we will be ensnared. If you are burned out, stop! Rest! Your lamp needs a constant infilling of the Lord's oil or your light will be snuffed out. Remember that "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it...yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!" Isaiah 30:15,18.
I truly believe that these 5 days sick in bed, is the best thing that could have happened to me. I missed the 2 months of training the rest of the team had the beginning of the year, as I was still working. I must admit that I made very little time for God in the last 3 years of my life...there was just always something more urgent that had to be done. I confessed that Jesus was my Lord and Savior, but to be honest, He came last on
my priority list. While being sick in bed, the Lord has been sooo gracious to me. He drew me away from the rest of the team as I was unable to run around outside and explore the town. He forced me to look at my own heart and consider why I am really on this journey this year. Am I just here to travel? Or am I willing to lay down my life, take up my cross and truly follow Him? As I read the Heavenly Man and realized the sufferings and torture Christians in certain parts of the world endure because of their love and obedience to Jesus, I found myself being angry with God. "How can he let His people suffer like that?!" But God is gentle and slow to anger. He made me realize that I do not have a right to anything. It's not longer I who live but Christ who lives inside of me. I must choose to follow Christ no matter what the cost. I must follow Him even if I don't understand why things happen the way they do. God is God and we are
only mortal human beings made of dust. How can I question His ways. How can I assume to have any right when it comes to God? The mere fact that God actually wants a relationship with us is mind blowing. We do not deserve it but the King and Creator of the Universe, the Alfa and the Omega, actually calls us His children. If my little mind would just realize the magnitude of this truth, I would stop questioning God. I would forsake all things for the sake of knowing Him more and being close to Him.
"My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways" says the Lord."For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts."Isaiah 55:3
"For now I see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I am known." Corinthians 14:25.
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quot;But indeed, O man, who are you to reply against God? Will the thing formed say to him who formed it, "Why have you made me like this?" Does not the potter have power over the clay?"Romans 9:9
While being sick in bed, I was forced to be quiet and wait on Him. He gently drew me to Him again. His Spirit started to soften my heart.
Hosea 2:13-15 "I will punish her for the days of the Baals to which she burned incense. She decked herself with her earrings and jewelry, and went after her lovers; but Me she forgot,"says the Lord. "Therefore, behold, I will allure her, will bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfort to her. I will give her her vineyards from there, and the Valley of Achor (lit.meaning trouble) as a door of hope; she shall sing there, as in the days of her youth, as in the day when she came up from the land of Egypt."
My prayer for this year is that
every day I will grow closer to Jesus and fall more in love with Him. I yearn to be able to say like Apostle Paul said in Philippians 1:21 "For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain". I want to know Jesus the Lamb of God...Jesus the lover of my soul...but I also want to know Jesus the Lion of Judah...Jesus the commander of the armies of Heaven. Yes, God is loving and gracious and kind, but He is also fierce and mighty and powerful! He is to be feared. "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom" Ps.111:10. "And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. But rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell." Matthew 10: 28
I need to fear God and see Him as the powerful King that He is. I need to realize that He doesn't owe me anything. It's the most amazing privilege to lose my life and follow Him!