Relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing had yet been done.
-C.S.Lewis-
My journey with dependence started in our previous country-India. I realized I found it difficult to rely on people to help me with certain things. If I was able to do things on my own I would not need any help from anyone. Another example was that in India the ladies were not allowed to walk alone in the streets. This challanged me so much as I was now dependent on a guy to go anywhere. This frustrated me so much but I then realized that this was exactly the same with my relationship with God.
In life I try to do things out of my own strength. I try to sort out my life in my own mind instead of seeking God or depending on God. This was a big realization for me and made me think. Why is it that I have a probem with dependence? Why is it difficult for me to let go of my own thinking and depend on God?
Then I realized, before I can depend on someone I first have to be able to trust them and before I can trust them I need to know the person. So dependency starts with knowing the person. And this started me on a journey of really seeking Jesus for who He is to me and then further to trust the promises of Hm in the Bible.
Right after this cool revelation and new and exciting journey of seeking Jesus and learnng to trust Him and to depend on Him we had our Luke 10 in Thailand. I was not excited for this at all. I had just had the most amazing revelation on dependency and in my mind I thought that in this Luke 10 Jesus is going to test me on what I had just learnt. So I thought this is going to be the toughest Luke 10 ever because in this Jesus is going to be able to test me on what I had learnt. I thought that I was going to have to make ready for battle and fight and it is going tto be difficult because in that I will only be able to run to Jesus and through that He will see that I am dependent on Him.
And then....that was not our Luke 10 at all. In the end we came to a family in Thailand who serves and loves Jesus with everything in them. They took us in and gave us food and shelter and we were able to journey with them for a few days. This challanged me so much as this is not my picture of Jesus testing me on what I had just learnt. This was not difficult, in fact, to me this felt too easy!
The one afternoon we were helping them in their house and I was praying and asking Jesus why we are here, why did He bring us here where it is so easy? We have food every day, we are amongst believers and we are so safe. Why did He not lead us somewhere more difficult so He can see that I can be dependedt on Him?
And then He ansered me...
Dependence is a daily thing. I have to be dependend on Him even when it is going 'easy'.
I had a totally misconception of dependence. It's easy to be dependent on God when times get difficult, but it is more difficult be be dependent on God in everyday life. In everyday life I never thought of being dependent on God because I can make decisions by myself. But this is exactly where He wants us to be dependent on Him...in the everyday things of life.
And now I am learning to walk in the Spirit and to make Jesus part of every discision I make during the day.
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