Adrenaline and excitement in the air as we walked onto the plane at OR Tambo International Airport. Finally. Three months of training and I thought I was prepared for anything and everything sent my way!
The soft voice of Jesus saying "I am sending you" and the company of fifteen believers who will soon become family. What could possibly stand against me?
But as I lay in a hammock on a boat on the Amazon River and reflect back on the last 25 days, I realize I was over confident. I had too much self confidence. Self confidence which was overshadowing my God confidence.
God quickly got rid of the self confidence and now I am left with God confidence which is much smaller than I expected, since my judgement was clouded with pride.
You see, pride can and will creep into our hearts in the most unexpected circumstances. The irony is that we as humans are even capable of becoming prideful about "positive" things and even more "holy" things. The funny part is that I was actually surprised by this. Unfortunately this form of pride is very difficult to identify, but the Holy Spirit is faithful and He pointed out some very hidden parts of pride which was deeply buried within my heart.
Thankfully I am able to say that I have been and is still continually being set free from myself!
We can be prideful in the way we share God's word, in the way we encourage others and also in the way we try do draw others into God's plan.
We can be prideful towards people in many different ways. By now I have learned that my own judgement about people is always wrong and even more my self judgement. In the future I would rather ask Jesus what He thinks about someone and even more what He thinks about me!
It is so easy to forget this, but when I shift my focus back to Him. Wow, the beauty He shows me is indescribable.
That is the thing about Brazil. In a worldly view what is beautiful about this country are Coba Cabana Beach, Christ the Redeemer Statue and of coarse the Amazon and all its unique creatures. But when I first saw all of it, I found it dull and disappointing.
Every beach in South Africa outshines Coba Cabana by far, the statue is creepy to say the least and the part of the Amazon I have seen is commercialized.
Its only when I asked Jesus to reveal the beauty to me that I started to comprehend what this country is all about. And since Jesus' love for people overwhelms me every time, I found the beauty once again hidden in the people.
The people are open hearted. Friendly and excepts us for who we are. They redefined my definition of hospitality. And they also encouraged me to eat much more food than I ever thought I was capable of eating!
The best part was that God reminded me that I am part of a very tiny dot in His plan and the picture I am seeing is more incomplete than my tiny brain will ever be able to grasp; thus how can I possibly think I know what I am talking about?
So at the moment I do not have much to share, since God is redefining everything I learned in training and everything I thought I knew about Him.
One thing I know is He is teaching me God confidence. The kind of confidence rooted in humility.
Like Floyd McClung says: "The epitome of humility is Jesus-centeredness".
But even more the kind of confidence planted in love.
"Now these three remain: faith, hope and love, but the greatest of these is love."
- 1 Corinthians 13:13
May the love of God be with you!