The Lord brought me into the light of a lot of exposure during the course of this past year. And many times I stood in a valley of decision. I had the choice to let the exposure pass me by as an experience that looks cool in my instagram pictures, or I could grab it by the horns and ride it all the way into wisdom canyon.
This is a pretty metaphor to describe the sometimes seemingly ugly process we’ve all been in, of struggling with questions and finding their answers. It’s usually a more painful and tormenting process. I would sometimes lay awake at night thinking, toiling with the riddles of my heart.
I would feel like a leaf tossed by the wind instead of the majestic eagle soaring on the wind I am supposed to be.
And I have a strong feeling that these vexed and sullen times wouldn’t just be a one time season. Because these feelings were the extra result that sometimes come with the search for more wisdom and knowledge of the Holy. And I am not ready to stop this search until I breath my last.
Wisdom comes from the Lord. That is an absolute. But looking at it more practically- something I feel is of great urgency for a Christian’s faith to grow - wisdom starts with asking questions. And the more answers we receive the more we ask- it’s rule of thumb; the more we know the more we know how little we know.
But there comes a point where you’ve ventured into murky waters to look for answers. And it’s as plain and simple as this; we will NEVER have all the answers. It is like AW Towzer says and as I paraphrase; “...for now we will be ever limited by matter and time until the day we part from this physical world.”
I will simply never understand everything about the Lord and the decisions He makes and things He allows to happen. There is a reason why His ways are higher than ours. My few grams of grey matter is what I’m bound to for now. Sure He reveals to us more of his character and His loving motives behind His decisions, but in the end, the amount we know or understand about God doesn’t even compare to a grain of sand on a vast open beach. He is eternal- something humanity will never understand in our current state. We can only accept that He truly is incomprehensible.
And I’m fine with that.
For now, I find heaps of pleasure in the thought that I am loved by the Almighty God, chosen to be an heir to a heavenly kingdom with Jesus and predestined for His good works and His good will.
And although there are many questions in the back of my head, I focus on the questions He answers for me here and now.