We talk a lot about trusting God and embracing Him no matter the circumstance, but when push comes to shove is that really our response? The last few months I have been praying a prayer: “God, I want to be a woman of faith. Would you expand my faith and what I can handle, that I may know and trust you more? Create in me a heart of faith and a confidence in You that is unshakeable!” I have been asking Jesus to take my faith to new depths for MONTHS!!! And to be honest, I had sort of come up with how it would happen too. Maybe I would see someone radically healed or see people accept Jesus for the first time and this would build my faith and make it bigger than ever! Don’t get me wrong, I still long to see these wonders and believe without a doubt that I will, but I realized that in the process of asking God to move in my life I was laying it out to be on my terms and what I thought it should look like. The last few weeks, God has been answering that prayer and stripping away all of my ideas and plans for how it all was going to look.
Two weeks ago, my team and I started to apply for our visas for India, a country we had been dreaming of and working hard to get to since it was not originally in the plans for this year. Throughout the next day, each one of my team members’ visas were accepted, except for mine. As the clock struck midnight on my 25th birthday, I checked my email and all I saw was: REJECTED. Something about me is that I am very dramatic (God continues to work with me on handing over my drama and worries to Him) so naturally I freaked out bad! The next day I woke up, took a breath and said “okay Jesus, today I choose to trust you and your plans for me.” In that moment, I felt like I could either continue to freak out over something I had no control over or simply hand it over to The One who is in control of all things. Seems like a pretty obvious choice of what to do, if you ask me, but not always the easiest to do. I think it comes from our need to know everything and be in control of what’s going on around us. No? Just me? And just like that.. my journey of trusting God beyond my circumstances or understanding began.
I still felt the call to pursue getting to India, although my bank account and brain were telling me it was impossible. Every time I was ready to throw in the towel, a way was made and a door flung open for me to keep going. Honestly, doors opened but I quickly realized the easy route was not available for me. Dangit! Wouldn’t that have been nice?! God continued to lay out my steps and encourage my heart to trust Him. He made the way for me to be sitting on a plane to India and writing these words to you. Why? I don’t know all the details but I do know this: that I may testify of the goodness and faithfulness of Jesus Christ. May God be most glorified and may each of you reading this be inspired and challenged to open your heart and trust Him beyond your understanding and beyond your circumstance.
I don’t want my faith in God to be conditional, based upon whether my circumstances are good or bad. I want what is planted and living in me to be the things of Heaven- unshakeable and irrevocable. In Hebrews 12, it speaks of Jesus coming to remove the things that are shaken- that which were made, in order for the things that are not shaken to remain. My prayer is that God continues to come and remove all things that can be shaken within me, in order for all that comes from Him to make their home within me and overflow into my character, words, and actions. And that from this, God would be seen and glorified in and through my life.
I am so grateful that God knows better than I do and is taking me on a journey of discovering more of who He is and seeing Him face to face. As I enter into my 25th year of life, I am more confident in who Jesus is. I am more sure of my need for Him. I am more convinced that the Gospel is the greatest story ever told and each person has the right to hear it. I am humbled to my very core that I do not know better and I am continually reminded to surrender my rights to The One who knows everything and is most trustworthy with my heart and future. I am inspired to LIVE what The Bible says- it is alive and is such a gift. I am excited for each corner I turn, because I know that God makes my steps sure and has only good things for me. And I am reminded every day to trust in The Lord with all of my heart and to lean not on my own understanding, for that is the only way to truly live: in the freedom of obeying and trusting God’s voice alone. And may Jesus come, shake us up, and make way for the things that cannot be shaken.