God Ruined My Self in Cuba

We were in Cuba for 23 days. We arrived at Havanna, spent 3 days there to do our visas (which is a testimony in itself), and then got on a truckbus to Santiago for 13 hours. We spent our time here working with the people of GlaDios, working in a garden, painting the church tower, moving rocks, and spending time with the locals. (Spending time with the locals is probably what makes Global so much cooler than only traveling.)

One night we heard about a youth meeting at a church. We decided to go. I was prepared to sit and spend personal prayer time with God because in Cuba they speak Spanish. Obviously God had better plans. There was an American Missionary group at the meeting. And the guy had a sermon in English and it was translated to Spanish! The sermon was very motivating and about my life verse Isaiah 6:8 with the theme of 'Send Me' and us being World Changers.

Quick personal background of my journey in Cuba before I continue. I was struggling a lot, am still struggling. I wanted to go home and thought about it a lot. This journey is really uncomfortable (because God is busy breaking and building me personally and it is a difficult process - you will find out more as you continue reading). We also didn't have any wifi or internet. There is barely any place that has wifi. I got to send a message to my family once and couldn't receive any at the moment. Because of that I was unable to get any motivation elsewhere. I am also quite a strong person, emotionally, I thought.

I had a conversation with God. I asked Him why I need to be here. Asking Him to 'Send Me' and being willing to go sounded so easy and adventurous, but actually going is not easy and not as much fun as I imagined it to be. I always said that living in God's will gives me a guarantee of living an awesome life.

Can you figure out what is going on? I was totally focused on myself and my life. I gave my life to God out of selfish motivation - to get the kind of life I want to have. I thought I am strong and can endure. I had so much confidence in myself and who I am and what I can do, that I only needed God so He could give me what I want or the little bit that I could not do on my own. I was a Christian because of what I got out of the relationship.

God showed me this: I am not His Child so He can be good to me. I am His Child because He was already good... before the world, on earth, at the cross, in heaven.
God is busy teaching me that I need to have no confidence in myself so that I can not function or be in any other way than to have confidence in Him and only Him.

This is really a difficult process. But I want to be completely dependent on God and that means that He has to do this work in me. I just also want you to know something else of God: He will never ever ever leave you! Each time I was in a horrible place and just wanted to escape this year and this time and place- everytime He showed me His presence. Never mind how much of a sissy I was and how many times I moaned,  He was my comfort and my strength. He allowed me to go through the deep waters, but He was there, always, the whole time.

2 CORINTHIANS 12:9
My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.

I would never be able to understand this verse fully if it was not for 2 - 25 May Cuba 2016. God ruined my Self.