Homelessness

What is home? Because for some reason or another I am not quite that sure. Is it the place I sleep at with my team,(which is usually a church, someones home or currently a Firefighter station?) Is it where my parents live in Johannesburg where I am showered with love? Is it Potchefstroom where I studied for the past four years? Is it Namibia where I was born? Is it Cape Town where I grew up? None of those feel like home...

I don't fit into this world anymore. I don't know what to do with this realization. I can't imagine opening a closet full of clothes when someone else can't even afford food, entering a store and not looking at the price of what I am buying, looking at a person and not seeing their brokeness, doing senseless activities, listening to music with no meaning, purposeless traveling, focusing on my own needs, empty conversations.

I don't know how to explain to people how real God is. All the things people usually say about Him is actually true! God will provide. God is my strength. God never leaves you. God will open the door when you knock. God knows what you are going through. God has a perfect plan of which I am a part of. I've experienced this and it is true but when you tell this to people, they have this "yeah yeah, heard that before"-tone in their voices. Not having a place to sleep in, or food to eat, or money to pay for what you need seems insane and unwise to people. I've literally had someone this week tell me how it is irresponsible of me to travel without it. But each time God does provide. I've never been in need, and I will never be in need. I knocked and He opened. When I felt as if I could not walk one more step further with my heavy backpack, He is my strength. I am dehydrated and He sends someone to give me water. I am in an unsafe place and He sends shelter. How can I not want to talk about God for the rest of my life, even when people don't understand why?

God asked me if He could be my home in Cuba when I felt miserable and alone. God is the only place I really feel at home now. I remember that I am not suppose to feel at home on this earth. I am not made for this world.

I must admit, I have no idea how this would look practically because I have never been at this place in my entire life. All I am doing now is being and God is doing the rest. I refuse to go back to South Africa and suppress these truths until they become meaningless and forgotten.