Breaking point!!!

So my question for the time in Turkey was this.... After you have let yourself down and let the people around you down and have realized that you are not so great or immune to certain things that you thought you were,  what is your first thing that you do?

Do you go to your parents? Do you go to your friends? do you ask advice from a magazines Dr Ruth? Do you go to Opera? Or  do you fall on your knees, repent and pray that God will lead you and give you strength and pick you up again?

Well this was wat i was confronted with in our time here in turkey.  God came and convicted and showed  me  so many things in my life that is just SO wrong that i reached breaking point and at that stage i didnt have a clue where to go to or what to do about it, and was searching frantically for a place to just hide for a few weeks...Luckily for me, it is a bit difficult to go to friends, or people, when the ones you can go to are part of the problem and the other's are literally on the other side of the world, and on global challenge there is NO hiding away even for a day or two,  so my only option was to turn to God and to get His guidance and get Him to lead me through this!!

It was a place in my heart that i promised myself i will never go to again,  i will never feel again, and something i never wanted to open up again,  but luckily my life isn't in my hands but totally in Gods(Prov 16:9). I prayed, repented, cried, felt totally unworthy and just totally dissapointed in myself, my own actions and feelings!!!i talked to God like i would talk to a friend told Him everything that i felt, the good, the bad, the ugly and just asked Him to guide me forward and show me what to do and how to do it.  It was my first, last,  and only option, NO BACKDOORS, NO MAYBES, NO PLAN B...

Then God came and started rebuilding and healing me again, slowly, but surely stitch for stitch, brick for brick, Ex 14:14 became part of who i am "The lord will fight for you, and you will hold your peace", i realised that even though we make mistakes and we let ourselves down so many times, that God sees us as victorious, blameless and Holy through Christ and that He himself is busy fighting for Me, even though i do all these things and even though sometimes i feel TOTALLY unworthy because of my actions, the God that created the universe, that created me, you, and everything else that we hold so close to our hearts, that God is fighting for Me, and He will never stop that fight!!

So i started to embrace the wound, the hurt, the difficulty and started to try to turn even that into good, and even though i dont know exactly how the finished producth looks at the moment, and even though it is still painfull and sore and difficult and not NEARLY finished, i know that God is leading me and that i can stand up again and face these things only because of His grace, and that at the end i will look back and see that God's plan in this was PERFECT!!!