“God never leaves us where He finds us unless we insist.”
This past month in Guatemala has been an intense month of searching. I have been confronted, I have been hit, I have been slammed with truths about myself about myself that I can’t deny. For years, I have been living accepting a cheapened version of myself and who I was created to be. I found myself living in a continued to hold on to both on purpose and unknowingly. Compressed by time and sugar coated by other deceptions, I found those things easy to accept and view life by.
I subjected myself to words I had spoken over myself and received by others as well as the entrapment of actions that were for no others benefit by my own. This month, light has been shed on those dark places. Areas of my life and memories of the past that kept me from moving forward have been broken through. I have found that though it is hard to revisit your past, it is often the key that unlocks the door that keeps you from your future. I made the choice- now I move forward.
I have been sacrificing abundant life for the replaying of the past. But now I say no and throw away the tape that keeps replaying in my mind and I say yes to the new adventure, the new discoveries ahead.
I came to a place that I couldn’t live in fear anymore. Fear of not having the past and fear of the beautiful mess that might be ahead. Instead:
“Exodus 14:13 says, “Do not fear! Stand by and see the salvation of the Lord which He will accomplish from you today… The Lord will fight for you while you keep silent.”
This I have found to be true, the key to abundant life is abiding life. A life hanging on the every word, commandment, whisper and movement of God, my father. As one of my team members put it once, “to be so close to the throne of God that He kicks you when He moves.” And the cool thing is, is that when He moves, He is fighting for me.
Yes, this is abiding will come by trial and error, risk and sacrifice but with persistence I will abide. I will. I can. I will.
“And after the storm- Run and run as the rain comes
And I look up-on my knees and out of love- I look up…
Night has always pushed up day- you must know life to see decay and I won’t rot – on this mind and on this heart- I won’t rot
And you took me by the hand and we stood tall- and remembered my own land- what you fought for
-Mumford and Sons
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