"Burn the Ships"

     "Burn the ships" that is what explorer Cortez ordered his men to do upon arrival to the New found territory of Mexico. Without a fleet to return home upon, the leader and his men were forced to move forward and would no longer be tempted by retreat.

     Since being back in America, I have come back to my state, my town, my house, my family, my church, and my culture. Every day I have woken up with the question of "how are you going to live today?"  You see, I have returned back to where I came from but that is just it, from.  This past year I have been on a journey. I made myself press-through and overcome obstacles that I never could have on my own. I took risks, I had to trust. I did the very things that 2 years ago Heather O'Brien would say, "oh no, you can't do that."

     I went places in my spiritual walk; mountains were climbed, fences dug, rivers crossed, memories dealt with, relationships healed. Oh, I went places. But I find those places being in vain if they aren't a part of where I am now.

     Time being home has been interesting to say the least. Some days I have laid in bed thinking, "what am I doing here?"  - something occurred to me the other day; I, a woman willingly taken out of the comfortable mold I had been in, went to be stretched and was, now upon return I have tried to make the mold and stretched work together, and it "just ain't happenin'."

     See, I came back with expectation of new land. I came back wanting to dive in more and discover more of what God has for me to do and all along I kept my ships at the shore in case something didn't work out as planned. Hahahaha well nothing has worked out as planned and I have been standing at the shore wondering if I'm inland bound or ok with shipping back to what I knew before (even though I was dissatisfied and knew I needed more then).

     But, there is no "plan b," there is no "I've got this." That is all rubbish. That is the mindset of a person who says God is untrustworthy, that He is a liar. Although it is puzzling and at times frustrating to those around me, I choose kingdom logic. His ways are not my ways and His thoughts not my thoughts. He has brought me thus far, and there is a whole new world of discovery still to be had.  I won’t retreat. "Burn those ships."