India - Closer to home

So I'll call this one... MY story.

Our whole team has experienced so much of God's provision this year. So many stories of finances, food, accommodation and many more, being provided by our awesome God.

But this one, this one God saved for me, personally. This time round I'm going to use words like "I", "my" and "me" instead of "us", "their" and "they". Quite frankly, this type of change does not come naturally to someone like me. Because using words like these, means actually getting personal. Telling the story from MY point of view and not jumping behind the third person's mask. But, here goes...

To do this year, I needed R75 000. Before going to training at the beginning of the year, I had to have at least 60% of my total balance, to buy my plane tickets and so forth for the year.

Before even going to training, I told God, "God, if You want me to go, I'll go. But please show me if You want me to go, through providing the money BEFORE I go to training." Because I certainly did NOT have that type of money and neither did my parents.

Going to training, God did provide all the gear I needed, but I had exactly R5 000 in my Global account. Now, let me just explain something about myself. I was NOT the type of person who was exactly comfortable with things not being in place, arranged and planned way ahead. Because this would mean that I am not in control. And if I am not in control, who would tAke control? Another thing: I did NOT like change. AT ALL.
All this was of course BEFORE Global. 

So at a certain point in training, GCEX leadership called me in to discuss my finances. As it turns out - my money wasn't in yet. (Not to my surprise at all.) But the leadership decided to keep me in Jeffrey's Bay for a bit longer, to see if God comes through. This happened about 3 times during 8 weeks. Thinking I'm going, and then realising I'm not. And then hearing I'm going to the nations, and then again I'm staying in SA. An emotional and spiritual roller coaster to say the least.

Emotionally very straining, because the fact of the matter is, I'm not the only one affected by this roller coaster ride. People whom I dearly love, were also deeply affected by me - staying or going. And if I look back now, that was the hardest part of my whole journey. It's easy being uncertain and going through trails and tribulations on your(my) own. Very easy. It gets tough when you see others carrying a burden that's not theirs to carry. You (I) would do anything to make the burden lighter, just to provide SOME certainty or comfort to your loved ones. But you can't. And there's just nothing you can do about it. 

The last meeting I had with them, a decision was made that, with this ridiculous amount of money I had, I would go to the first few countries and if my finances did not increase, I would return in May (Colombia). Our next country would be Panama, and the plane ticket to Panama by itself was R15 000 -  which my budget obviously did nOt cover. This was about a week before training would end. Again "There is no way I'm going further than May on this journey" is the thought that stuck in my mind 2 to 3 days before training ended.

2 Days before D-day a very special "Oom" (Oom Danie Marais) came to me and told me that he got me a sponsor of R10 000 that would cover my expenses, at least up to September month. (Or this was the verdict from Global leadership).

This verdict was very strange to me, because mathematically 1+1 did not add up to 2. I mean, if the ticket to Panama was R15 000 and I had R15 000 in total for all my expenses for the next 7 months. How does that make sense?

Anyway. I didn't object. "They probably know what they're doing" and "God is in control" was the only 2 thoughts that got me on that plane the 6th of March.

Arriving in Chile, our first country, I was notified that our team did in fact NOT have enough money to cover the expenses for that month. In MY mind, this did just NOT make sense.

But I soon realised that everything that didn't make sense in my mind thus far in my life, any control that I thought was necessary for me to have in my life, would soon be ...Invalid.

As God journeyed with me through the year, He taught me what it is to REALLY trust in Him for EVERYthing - not only the things that I was comfortable leaving in His hands. What it means to live by FAITH and NOT by sight. What it means to have hope in the things unseen.

At the beginning of July me and my whole team received e-mails from the GCEX finance department reporting the status of our personal finances. The e-mail stated that I had an outstanding amount of R44 000.

Not the most encouraging e-mail I've ever received. The certainty grew in my mind that I would return to South Africa in September.

Still in Guatemala, Elsabé told me that a decision was made that I would make my way home the 6th of September, when they would fly to India. 

About a week before our Luke 10, our team returned to Panama to apply for our India visas. (Or THEIR India visas.) This was exactly a month before my team would fly to India and I would depart on my SAA flight to South Africa. And this was really OK. I knew that God would have better plans for me in SA if He sends me back home.

1 Day before we would leave Panama and depart to Brazil to set off for our Luke 10, Elsabé called me aside. Apparently the Lord has woken up the Pastor in Panama (Pastor Bill) and his wife, in the middle of the night, and told them that I HAVE to go to India and that the Lord expects of THEM to supply the money to make that possible?!
Things were still not certain - the amount of money I needed to make it to India still had to be determined and e-mailed to Pastor Bill. Pastor Bill would then reply with saying he was able to provide the money, or not.

So after Luke 10 , 2 weeks before all of us would fly, Elsabé informed me that I would go to India after my STOP-OVER in South Africa.

In July, I had an outstanding amount of R44 000. Before going to India in September, the amount that was still outstanding was a total of R3 000.

It's been a hard year. A hard journey to partake in. But if I had to be honest, it was me that made it hard for myself. To think that God had to take me all the way to the other side of the world to make me let go and let God.

At this moment my Global account is fully paid.
God officially provided R75 000 for me this year, without me doing one thing to deserve it.

Mercy is not receiving what you deserve, but grace is receiving what you totally do not deserve.

God's grace has definitely increased abundantly for me this year.

He is truly Lord over ALL.