China brought out a lot of emotions in me that I’ve never felt before...
I have always wanted to live the life of a missionary, putting myself out there and like Samuel respond, "Speak Lord, your servant is listening", planning to leave everything behind when the Lord calls. I believe my intentions have always been genuine in wanting to serve the Lord, but I had no idea what I was saying when I said that I am willing to go ANYWHERE... This thought dawned on me while we were in China and instead of feeling the peace I have always felt when saying "I will follow", I had the opposite reaction and realised I will definitely pull a Jonah on myself before I will leave everything behind to go and stay there.
The country is beautiful and the people we met were amazing, but for some reason I just did not feel at ease knowing that ANYWHERE can include China… It is completely different from anything we know, the hygiene, the food, the customs, not even mentioning the alphabet.
I realised how arrogant we as the Western world are. I got upset at the fact that none of the Chinese people understood or spoke English and then I realised that they are one of the biggest nations in the world and I was in their country, if anyone had the right to expect anyone to speak their language, it was them. I found myself longing for comfort and for the first time this year I started counting the cost of what it would mean if God ever calls us to China…
I never understood why Jonah would directly disobey God when He spoke to Him so clearly, and for the first time I felt compassion for this poor man, having to go to a nation he despised. I understood why he decided to run and I realised that scared little man that I always made him out to be was ME.
God spoke a lot to me about obedience in this time and the biggest lesson I probably learned was that I cannot serve God on my terms, He is sovereign and He can use anyone. The fact that He chooses to use me doesn’t make me more special than the person next to me, the glory belongs to Him alone.
The question still remains, “Will I follow Him anywhere?” The answer: Out of my own strength, definitely not, but even with Jonah God was patient and gracious enough to teach him about obedience and if I have to be swallowed and spit out by a fish to learn this lesson, it all depends on God and His sovereign plan. He will never leave me nor forsake me and that is a promise I know I can count on!
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