the end to the beginning*

Someone wise (Sam) once explained it to me like this…

“Christianity is a love story. It’s not a 12-step program, it’s not a course that I’m taking. It’s not a puzzle I’m working out. It is a relationship, a love story – a messy, complicated, difficult, beautiful, heart breaking, freeing, healing love story. And I can’t earn it, I can’t control it, I can’t even completely understand it. I can only trust that it is real. And I don’t have to be afraid because He is in control!”

And this was what I discovered to be true through this season of discovery and transformation in Global Challenge.

I have been back in South Africa for a month now, and still I cant find the words to put in this final newsletter. How do I describe or sum up a year that has thrown my life upside down, that has completely changed my ways, my thinking, my depth, my purpose, my heart and my whole being? How can I ever put in words the greatness and holiness of our Father who has taken me on this journey and revealed these things to me? Still I am without words or ways to completely explain it!

Starting this year I thought im ready to go into the nations and give give give! Give my time, my attention, my heart, my help… and now I realize that I have received much more and much greater than I was ever able to give. I received love, real and raw. Unconditional. I received knowledge and wisdom. I received grace and mercy. I received sonship. I received truth. I have received responsibility beyond my physical capabilities. I have received strength, courage and freedom. I have received forgiveness. All from the one who is greater than any mind can fathom… our Heavenly Father.

At the beginning of the year, I felt God telling me that in this year He is going to take me through a breaking process in order to rebuild me. Sounded good to me! I assumed breaking wasn’t going to be a very nice process, but I could never have been prepared for what was coming! When God starts pointing things out to you that you need to change, it is not nice. It breaks you. Pride. Materialism. Selfishness. Greed. Lust. All these things came up. And each time I was challenged to recognize it and admit it. I was called to repentance. True repentance, not remorse. And each time I am forgiven. Still now, this is the process that I am in, a purification process! I need to allow God to purify me, to allow His fire to purify me into the finest gold, so that His reflection is clearly visible by looking at me. And this process will continue. I have learned to embrace it. To embrace challenges, for that is where growth occurs. 

I learned this year that it all is about love. I learned that my sin is not always in my actions, but rather in my reactions. I learned that everything is spiritual. I experienced what it means to be completely desperate for God. I learned the importance of being faithful in the little things. I have learned to be slow to speak and quick to listen. I have seen the power of prayer. I have experienced church in the way God created it to be. I came face to face with the true meaning of faith. I have seen God use 15 ordinary people to show that He is extraordinary!

My plans for next year?

2 Peter 1:3-11

“His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape of corruption in the world caused by evil desires. For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins. Therefore, my brothers, be all the more eager to make your calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall, and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.”

My plans are to continue to seek God in all I do, to walk in the path He has set out for me. To walk in goodness, truth, self-control, perseverance, godliness, kindness and most importantly, to walk in love. I know the good work He has started, He will complete. And that is exciting! Who am I to be worthy of this? His daughter.

When we give our lives to the Lord, let us truly mean it. You give it away to Him, and it is no longer yours. Let us choose to then change our ways to bring Him all the glory, and let us not just go to church on a Sunday and live our own lives the rest of the week. Let us not allow church to become a spiritual orphanage, but rather a family, raising people up to spiritual maturity to form new families! Let us not just sit back and stagnate. Let us allow our eyes to be opened to His truth, even if that means sacrifice. Let us be willing to sacrifice. Let us learn more and allow Him to take over.

Thank you to each person that has prayed for me or the team during the year, for those that have made it possible for me financially, to those who encouraged me, to those who supported us by helping us buy Clara a camera, for the Guatemala Disaster Fund, the Niger Relief project, those that sent emails during the year, those that read the emails this year… thank you everyone!

Be blessed!

Lots of love

Nicky