Read if you dare - Yolandi

 In Revelations it says that the devil will be defeated by the Blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony.  Thus with this statement I start the hardest blog and testimony to write but also the most freeing and life giving experience.  So please read this if you long for change and long for God to change your life because this story shows of God's grace and His love to never leave nor forsake us.
 
This testimony I write about myself and what God broke down in my time spend in Guatemala.  During our time in Guatemala we had a lot of teachings about the spiritual realm and here I truly stared to question many things I was taught in my Christian walk.  The proses proved to be a hard journey to find the truth but in the end God truly showed me the way He wanted to provide and how He was busy with a proses and that it would take some time.& nbsp; My previous mind pattern and teachings consisted of the idea that when you become a Christian that you cant carry any demons with you.  But first I would like to explain the difference between two things.  The first one is when you are demon possessed and the second one would be when demons find open doors in your life and they attach themselves to us to bring bondage over our lives.   
Having these two differences in mind I would like to start with my own experience and what I now believe as the truth because I experienced it myself.  I warn you that this blog will SHOCK you and I pray that the Holy Spirit will bring TRUTH in your lives just as He did to mine.  I only pray that this testimony will be used by God as an instrument to bring light to those still stuck in these situations and that He will bring freedom in your life.
In the beginning of the year I started to ask questions to a couple of the people I met and asked if they thought you could have demons attached to you when you are a christian.  About 98% of the people gave my the same answer and said NO!!  The reason for my question was linked to an experience I had 2 years ago while someone ministered to me.  I've been a reborn child of God since I was 15 years old and this experience made me wonder a lot about my christian live.  While some people ministered I felt a strange feeling inside of me and something started to scream through me.  When you look at the bible stories and take this experience we can say that this can be called a manifestation of a demon.  So in my mind I thought how can something be attached (in) me when I'm a Christian and have been one for many years.  The questions remained in my mind and so I started to question those around me in the beginning of the year being really disappointed with their answer because I then felt that I was not truly saved.
 
Skipping forward in time...
 
So this brings me to the time we spend in Guatemala.  To give some background of what truly happened I would like to start with the beginning of our teachings.  I would talk about MR B as the pastor and his wife Mary.  With our teachings received even from the first day from Mr. B it opened up a lot of very deep hidden hurts and pains and in a way God started a process with me.  But in it all the devil came and sowed a lot of doubt and I even started to doubt my salvation.  Thus bringing a lot of fear and doubt in that time of my life.  Some time past but I still kept these feelings very deep inside not knowing what to believe or feel about myself.  One night one of our team members preached I was again faced with these feelings and this time I could almost be choked by them.  The preaching subject was about your purpose in life.  But with the doubt and fear I heard this message from the wrong mindset.  I felt that I had no purpose and that God did not want me because I was full of sin and that I was not good enough.  Why would He love or have a plan for someone like me.  I felt spiritually dead, defeated.  Time came to pray for the people that came to the front but all I felt was that I needed to get out of there. But I stayed and prayed for people but the more I prayed the more dead I felt and the worse the feelings inside of me became.  It felt like the sorrow and pain inside me grew so large that it would burst.  I took control again of it and like always bottled inside.  Walking back home from church one of the team members could see something was wrong.  I felt dead inside, overpowered and disappointed. 
 
When we got home I started to feel really sick and a headache started.  I drank some pills and just wanted to go to sleep.  Normally that would bring all my emotions under control.  I woke up during the night and it felt like my head would explode. I slept really badly, restless and disturbed.  The next morning I could not really focus because the headache got worse.  The lime team had to go pray at 5 o'clock and feeling really emotionally drained (emotions tucked deep inside again) we went to pray.  Getting back home I had to lie down because at this time the headache started to take complete control  I started to realize that I've never had a headache in this part of my head before.  And the headache also differed a lot from my previous headaches.  I asked for some migraine mix and hoped this would work.  And went to bed again to try and sleep it off.
 
Waking up again the headache was worse ones again.  But this time the headache was there and every couple of minutes it felt like someone took high voltage electricity and shocked my head.  Almost taking my breath and balance away at time.  This really started to worry me.  Not really telling anyone how bad it really was we had to go to church to watch a movie with Mr. B.  I sat through the movie trying to hide and pretend that I was okay.  But the truth was I was really concerned because I've never experienced such pain before.  After the movie I had to run to the bathroom just to hide the pain but one of my team members stood outside and saw that something was terrible wrong with me.  I could not pretend anymore because the pain was unbearable.  I broke down in tears.  Mr. B realized that something was wrong when I entered the room again trying to compose myself. He asked me if it was a headache and I said yes.  He asked a couple of questions and I just said that it all started after praying for some people not wanting to say to much.  Mr. B said that he feels that it was a attempt form the devil to hurt me (spiritual attack) and that I have the authority place by God inside of me to rebuke it.  He prayed for me with some other team members and I went home.  To keep the story as short as possible the headache lasted for three days where I had to rebuke it and truly trust God to help.  But looking back I realized it was all part of the process that God was busy with to show me who and what I truly was.
 
Being still a little of balance and tired after the whole headache thing we had a day at the church where Mr. B said God would minister to us.  This day consisted of worship and some DVD of sermons.  But mostly time to minister to us as a team to break bandages and curses or any spiritual things that was present in our lives without us knowing.  Some of these curses was explained to us during our teachings and this consisted of generational curses of word curses spoken over us.  These might have come even without us knowing about them and they might have opened doors in our lives for the devil to attach demons to us.  So this day was all to focus on God and to bring light in those very deep hidden things.
The next couple of paragraph consists of things that will break old patterns of thoughts and only READ IF YOU DARE!!! This WILL change your life and God WILL bring light if you want to change.
 
Before this personal ministry day started I prayed and asked God if there was anything attached or hidden that still hinders me from truly being clean before Him that I wanted Him to remove them.  I came with a open spirit and heart ready for anything.  During the time at the church we were given a form to fill in and even before that while watching a sermon I felt really emotional and deeply convicted in my heart.  Filling in the form opened a lot of deeply hidden hurts and secrets of myself and my family.  I did not realize that this was the process that brought the light to those deep, deep hidden things and started to expose them.  When we finished the form Mr. B started to hand out nails and one of the other church members brought a cross to the front of the church.& nbsp; Mr. B said that this was one of the hardest things he has ever done and my mind started to race with the idea that we will crucify Jesus again.  I completely broke down in tears.  Every aspect of this process broke into the deepest part of me because I was completely exposed before God.  Mr. B handed me the hammer first and I could almost not make it to the front of the church where we had to hammer the form to the cross we just filled in.  I just had to let go and truly start the process of healing.  Little did I know at this time just how much were hidden deep inside of me.
 
We started to worship and during this time I felt so much grief and pain but something strange started to happen.  I felt that I wanted to go on my knees and just give my all to God.  When I did this I started to feel these funny movements in my stomach.  I could not control it and knew that SOMETHING WAS WRONG!!!  I started to cough and felt Mary, Mr. B's wife's precense next to me.  Everything that Mr. B tought us about the spiritual realm started to race throught my head, because NOW all that he said I was experiencing MYSELF!!!  Mary kept praying and its hard to explain but I could hear everything but I was not in control of my body anymore.
 
We stopped the worship and the movements (if I can call it that) stopped.  we continued to watche the Paul Washer sermons.  I thought that maybe it was over but I still prayed and asked God if there was any more that this was the day I lay everything down.  Mr. B wanted us to worship again after the DVD and I felt that I wanted to go on my knees again.  THE MOVEMENTS started again.  This time A LOT STRONGER!!!  And I sensed that Mr. B and Mary was next to me this time.  The more they prayed the worse it became.  I remeber that Mr. B prayed and spoke that they won't hurt me and that they could not.  I only felt things moving in me and did not really have control.  They started to completely take control of my body movements and made me move around a lot (some team members later told me that it seemed like I was trying to get away - I think the things in me wanted to get away).  During this time MR. B told me that I have the authority to get them out because Jesus lives in me.  While going through this I also kept praying and laying my all down beofe God.  Mr. B and Mary prayed for the things as the Holy Spirit revealed to them and they rebuke them by name.  I could only pray within myself and agree in Spirit.
 
I heard the people (team members) around me and I remember Mr. B saying to one team member that started to sing at that time to keep on singing and do it louder.  I also wanted them to sing and worship because that helped getting them out.  I also remember Mr. B praying that the small ones should attach themselves to the strongman.  I did not understand what he meant but after it I asked him more about it. Mr. B said that the strongman is the main demon that would make himself the main leader and if you pray for the small ones to attach themselves to the bid leader when he comes out the small ones also come out with him.  While still in the process and feeling really tired I could not even lift my arms one of the team members went to the front of the church and blew on the rams horn that Mr. B had.WOW!!!!!!! I could not explain what that did to the things inside of me but I felt something from very deep - very strong start to scream thgough me.  It used my voice and screamed with a loud scream I did not control through me.  I believe that this wat the time the strongman came out.  Mr. B said that he did not know wo the strongman was but I knew.  And I know it's out and I'm completely set free from everything that was a bondage over so many years.  The demons that was present came through a lot of word curses and generational curses that opened doors in my life without me even knowing about them.  But God knew and He had a plan to set me free that day of so many things that held me back.
 
Mr. B also said that he will do some Baptisms the next day and I really wanted to go.  In our first sessions with Mr. B I allready felt that I wanted to Baptize myself again.  the first time I did it I did not really know what it meant and it was like a ritual that had to happen when you become a christian.  This time I felt that God wanted me to do it because my old life and the bondages was broken and that I could leave it behind me.  Thus the simbolizm of the baptism means that you lay your old life behind you and you stand up as a new person.  I was baptized the next day and it was the most amazing experience in my life.  I felt that all the darkness was taken away and that God came to set me completely free of all the hurt and pain I carried around for years.
& nbsp;
I can't begin to explain my gratitude towards God and knowing that He never gave up on me.  I only had to come to a point of realizing the truth and wanting God to set me free.  IT'S A CHOICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It took people like Mr. B and Mary that loves God more than anything to bring the thruth.  We are so blinded in our churches about these things.  And I thank God everyday for bringing those two people in my live to help me.  And it opened my eyes to so many things that I know I have to tell people about that still live in bondage.
I also want to thank the GCEX TEAM for sending us to Guatemala because it changed my life.  You dont always see the fruits of seeds and change in people's lives but all I can say is that my whole life has changed and that through obedience of sending us to Guatemala my life was completely set free.  And God used GCEX for that.  I thank you also for the part you played in this.
 
If you struggle with things like smoking, drinking, pornography or anything that can be a bondage between you and God ask God to come and reveal the root and the truth. We live our lives so easily without even knowing that we carry these things with us and they limit our lives in so many ways.  Ask God to bring the light and the truth in your lives and you will BE AMAZED of the FREEDOM HE CAN BRING FOR YOU!!!!!
I pray that this testimony will only bring light for you to start to search for God to bring life within you.  This was only my story and yours might be different but dont turn a blinds eye to things that might bring bondage in your live.  I pray for God to set you free form it all.  Remeber it only takes A CHOICE for you to change!!!!!!
I hope that you were blessed by this story
Yolandi