Pioneering a numb heart.

Every thing the world throws our way, provokes us to harden our hearts, to close our eyes, to look away. Because sometimes your heart and soul can not handle feeling the brokenness  the world brings across your path. So we decide to become numb, because not feeling is easier than feeling. But this state of numbness come with terrible side-effects, which is in favor of the enemy. Because a numb heart can not feel heart ache, joy, love and the presence of our Father.  

 

Now God knows this. So he puts us on a journey of de-numbefication. During this journey we are taught how to feel (turning hearts of stone into hearts of flesh). So we are led into the desert or into great trails so God can start chizeling  away on our stone hearts. He leads us in the direction of extreme heart ache, because it will take a huge amount of brokenness for a stone heart to feel again.

 

So slowly from the outside in. God allows us to pioneer into our numb hearts, instinctively, lovingly and patiently God come along for the journey. He gives us just enough trails for the outer layer of our stone hearts to start feeling again, to be filled with blood, life and Love. And usually when that layer is filled to its capacity it is the point we feel the closest to God. 

 

But God knows there is more to feel (He wants to be closer than just the outer layer), this is only one layer that is now no longer numb. But we also know this, deep down something in us tells us this is not the pinical of love, there must be more...

 

So we journey further into our numb hearts, ready for the next trail, the new expedition into the dessert. So we consider it pure joy when facing trails of manny kinds. Because with each trail a deeper layer of our heart is allowed to feel, the numbness is taken away and replaced with compassion and sadness. 

 

When pioneering a new layer of a numb heart, is usually the point where we feel the most separated from God, because we step back into the numbness into a area of not feeling. This feeling is one of the biggest lies we can fall for.  For The word of God says that He will never leave us. For He says He will always be with us and nothing can separate us from Him. So this feeling of separations is almost ironic. For when we feel God is leaving us. He is actually moving closer, deeper, one stoney layer at a time.

 

But I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Because the more we allow God to break our heart for what brakes His we indirectly allow our hearts to be filled with joy, not any joy but the type of joy that brings God joy.